Lessons were kind of out of the question, because Matt was still living in Tacoma at the beginning of our engagement, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to get home anywhere from 9:00-11:00 at night. Weekends were consumed with running errands and getting things done that we couldn’t get done during the week, or just plain sleeping in and recovering from the week.  So how were we going to learn how to dance?

Via DVD, of course. We purchased Shaun Trautman’s “Dance Lessons 101: The Basics and Beyond”.  It includes basic instruction on various dance styles, including the most important to us: waltz and swing. We figured those were the two dances we were most likely to do.

It was a learning experience, that’s for sure, but I’m not sure if we learned more about dancing or how to work through frustration as a team.

I didn’t find it too difficult to pick up the steps and learn the moves, but it didn’t come to Matt as easily. He would try the steps, but would get flustered and frustrated when it didn’t go as smoothly as it did for the dancers on-screen. I tried to help him by occasionally taking the lead, which of course ended up with us bumping into each other and  looking about as graceful as marionettes.

There were several points during our lessons where Matt simply declared that he could not do a particular move, which I refused to accept. These were not particularly difficult moves, mind you. I wasn’t asking him to toss me over his head, or pull one of these:

It was a simple quick step, and I knew he could do it, even with his bum knee.  Matt got frustrated, but I made him keep trying. And, what do you know, he eventually got it! Then it was on to the next step, where we repeated the cycle while practicing turns.

We didn’t have as much success with turns. Matt thought too much about where to place his feet, got anxious about when to start the turn, and forced the turn to happen. I could tell he was trying very hard. Too hard. He wasn’t relaxing and listening to the music. He ended up placing his feet in the wrong places at the wrong time and it felt completely wrong.

Yet, I still held out hope that, with practice, we might be able to do some basic dancing (with turns) at our reception. I didn’t want to just blandly weeble wobble back and forth. I wanted to actually dance with my husband.

In the few days leading up to the wedding, we practiced. And got nowhere. We had gone weeks without practicing, caught up in other things that needed to be done, and we were in the same rut as before. Matt was still trying too hard, I was still trying to take the lead. I gave up hope of the perfect first dance, and embraced the reality that we were just going to try the best we could. No matter what it looked like, we would have fun and enjoy each other.

A little bit of magic happened as Matt and I walked onto the dance floor for our first dance as husband and wife. We looked at each other with huge smiles and began dancing, and Matt’s countenance was different from when we practiced dancing at home. He was relaxed. Before I knew it, we made an effortless turn. And another. And another!

I looked proudly on the face of my new husband, so thankful for everything that he is, and everything that we are as a couple. We feel like kids when we’re together: unselfconscious, gleeful and giggly, ready to go on adventures and explore the world. We go together like a wink and a smile.

A&M dance HD from Doug Hanson on Vimeo.

We had decided not to change out of our wedding clothes just yet. I figured that if I was only allowed to wear my wedding dress for one day, I was going to make it last! Especially since, aside from Amy’s wedding, it was the only time I had ever worn a formal gown. So as we walked around the hotel,we were well aware that we stood out in the crowd, even among the many people parading about in formal attire for the holiday balls happening that night.

We enjoyed looking at and talking about the art on the first and second stories, and we were just about finished with the third storey, when a married couple came storming out of the nearby hallway.

“You guys haven’t consummated it yet? Come on!” shouted the man. “I saw you walking around here earlier. Get a room!”

The woman giggled stupidly.

Matt and I were both taken aback, but ready to dismiss the man’s drunken exclamations as nothing more than the blabber of an overgrown frat boy. We ignored them and continued to look at the last piece of art while they lumbered by. To our dismay, however, they took a seat on a nearby bench, where they continued to speak loudly.

“You have to do it now, because in eleven years you’ll be like us and you’ll never want to do it.” Turning to his wife, he said, “I bet they think it’s going to be all kisses and cuddles forever. I bet they think–HAHAHA!–I bet they think they’re going to stay so in love! But after eleven years they’ll be just like us. Hahaha!”

Matt and I just sighed and stood for a while longer, trying our best to ignore them. Not wanting to pass by them, we turned and walked around the corner into the hallway, where we found some elevators. While waiting for the elevator to reach our floor, we heard someone running toward the hallway. Who do you think would appear, but the drunk man’s giggly wife. She stood in the hallway and glanced at us, smiling like a schoolgirl who thinks she’s getting away with mischief. We entered our elevator and, much to our chagrin, she followed. Her husband lagged behind, and when he finally stumbled into the elevator, she had the gall to turn to us and ask, “So how’s your night going?”

Matt muttered “Fine,” as he pressed the 25 button and I tried to avoid all acknowledgment of their existence. Luckily, it didn’t take very long to get to the 18th floor, where we shoved them out of the elevator, pressed the button to close the doors, and continued on our way to the top. Ok, so we didn’t actually shove them. But we should have.

Our wedding day hecklers were just giving voice to the messages that our society sends us about marriage today. It’s a sad but true fact that most marriages today are pretty miserable, and misery loves company. But just because that may be our hecklers’ fate, doesn’t mean it has to be ours. We’re entering into our marriage with the knowledge that it will not be easy, and the willingness to do what it takes to make our marriage the best that it can be.

I can guarantee you, in eleven years we will not be drunk, sitting on a bench in a hotel heckling some bride and groom. We’ll be in our own hotel room with a “Do Not Disturb” tag on the door handle.

One of the questions was “Who wears the pants in the relationship?” While I’m sure the question was designed to stir up some good-humored controversy, Matt’s and my response was “We share the pants.”

And it’s true. We consult one another whenever possible. We try to be on the same page. But while we chuckled at the image of us sharing pants, we had no idea that some real-life foreshadowing was going on.

I mentioned before that in the whirlwind of the day, Matt and I did not completely have our belongings prepared for after the wedding. We headed off to the hotel without much thought as to what we would need. I didn’t think of it until we got to the hotel, but I didn’t have a hanger or garment bag for my dress, and no bags to put my dress’s undergarments in, either. I didn’t think too much of this, just hung my dress as well as I could from he hotel’s hangers, and stuffed my garments in my suitcase. Matt did the same with his tux, and we figured we’d just have to carry them out like that the next morning. At least our event was over and it didn’t matter how they looked.

But the next morning I realized I had forgotten something even more important. I began to get dressed in my ordinary clothes and realized, standing there in my underwear, that I had forgotten my pants. Uh oh.

The morning of the wedding, I had put on a clean pair of pants, planning on packing them up after I put on my dress, so I could wear them the next day. Well, in the hustle and bustle, my clothes never made it into my suitcase.

Visions of checking out of the hotel in my underwear flashed through my head and I began to panic. I told Matt to call my dad and have him bring me my pants. When my dad picked up and Matt explained the scenario, I could hear my dad’s laughter through the phone.

“Please bring me my pants!” I pleaded urgently into the phone.

We had just twenty minutes to check out, and if he was going to bring my pants, he needed to do it now.

My dad proposed that I just wear Matt’s pants to check out and then I could change when I got to their house. I was not thrilled with this idea–man pants aren’t flattering or very comfortable. But Matt surrendered his pants for me to try on.

What do you know, they fit. Not great. They are definitely man pants, and I certainly didn’t feel very attractive, but I could wear them home.

So we shared the pants. I wore Matt’s pants, and he wore his tux pants. We quickly checked out of the hotel and made it home, where I slipped on my own blue jeans and breathed a sigh of relief. My own pants have never felt so good.

Me in Matt's pants, still gripping my wedding dress.

I was shocked. Who hands out gift cards that look just like any other gift card, with magnetic strip and all, but are really nothing but a piece of plastic? The piece of paper it came in was in the “Everything Binder,” which contained all the information about the wedding. I didn’t know the location of the binder, but I hoped that if I called my parents, they would be able to find it, because we wouldn’t be able to check out without that stupid slip of paper.

I called my folks and they had just arrived at home and were unloading the cars. My mom found the binder and the slip of paper I needed. Thankfully, Evin and Laura were there, so we bribed them to bring us the piece of paper in exchange for a drink at the hotel bar. In the end, it worked out beautifully. Matt and I lounged on the couches  in the bar with Evin and Laura, going over the “roses and thorns” of the day with drinks in hand. And actually, I think that may be one of my favorite memories of our wedding day, because we were still all dressed up in our wedding attire, and a sense of celebration was still in the air, but we were able to completely relax and be with our best friends. There were no expectations placed on us, no agenda. Just the best company we could ask for on the biggest day of our lives.

Despite the confusion with the gift card, our hotel experience was great. The bartender brought us some complimentary crab and artichoke dip, because we didn’t get a chance to eat very much at the reception, and she was excellent at recommending tasty drinks. Even though we had reserved a standard room, we were upgraded to a north-facing larger room on the very top floor. And we took advantage of the valet service, so we didn’t have to worry about finding parking, which was scarce due to numerous events in the area.

The day had both roses and thorns, but Mr. Wonderful and I agree that the bouquet of roses far outshines the thorns.

One of my biggest regrets is not making more use of my attendants. If I were to do it over, I would assign each attendant one detail of the wedding and make sure she had solid knowledge of how I wanted that detail to be handled. I had a clear idea of how I wanted things to go, but I was the only one who knew it, so if there was ever any question, I was the only one to consult. This put a lot of pressure on me, and also ate up my attention and time.

For example, I would assign someone to work with the DJ to make sure he had the proper instructions for ceremony music timing, reception music selection, etc. The little snafu that happened with the ceremony music was not the DJ’s fault, but mine. I knew the ceremony plan, and the thought had crossed my mind that the end of the ceremony might be confusing to the DJ, because when it looked like we were ready to recess, the pastor still had to do the benediction and blessing and some announcements. And when we got to the reception and the DJ was playing some music I didn’t want played, I realized I should have been more specific about what I wanted.

I also would have had some of my bridal party help me put together my “Bridal Emergency Kit.” When it came down to it, I didn’t have enough time to get everything in there. One of the things that was excluded was some Tide To-Go. At the time I was trying to put together the kit, I didn’t really have time or energy to go to the store and get some, but I thought, “Oh, it’ll probably be fine.” And what do you know, but I got some lipstick on my dress, and my mom noticed it right before I was supposed to go out for pictures. What could we do? We didn’t have anything to get it off with, so I just had to suck it up and hope no one noticed.

Another thing I would be sure to delegate is making sure everything Mr. Wonderful and I needed when we left the reception was packed and ready to go in our car. This includes our overnight bags, wallet/purse, information for the hotel, clothes hangers and garment bags, etc. When the time came for us to leave, we hastily collected the first things we thought of that we might need, and headed off to the hotel. My parents tried their hardest to make sure everything was in the car, but they had so many things to tote around as it was, and so many people to direct and talk to, that they were not the best people for the job. Handing one of the attendants the keys to our car and having them take care of that would have been a huge help.

So, being one of the first ones of my friends to get married, I hope future brides are able to benefit from my lesson learned. Use your help! They’re called attendants for a reason, let them attend to you.

At the end of the day, Matt and I could not believe that it was all over. The day had come and gone, and there we were, husband and wife with the rest of our lives ahead of us.

There is no way I could tell you about the entirety of the day. I can’t even think about all of it at once. Instead, it comes back to me in moments, which I hold in my mind as long as I can, so that I can always remember how I felt on my wedding day.

I’ll be posting some of my memories from our wedding day in a series of posts, just to make them more digestible and easier to sit down and write. I hope you enjoy reading about our perfect day.