Christian relationship books are unique because it is probably the only genre in which it is common practice for an ordinary husband and wife to pose as experts and write a book. I think in most cases you learn more about that couple’s marriage than you do your own.
Soon after we were married I read a marriage book written by a 30-something Christian husband and wife. I got it for cheap, and after reading it I was glad I didn’t pay more.
It seems like these Christian marriage books exist to reinforce the stereotypical dichotomy between masculine and feminine. They’re completely wrapped up in the idea of the “captivating” woman twirling in her skirt on a hilltop and the “leader” husband who must not be forced to repress his wild manhood by a feminized culture.
But what was sad about this particular book was that this couple seemed like they just could not be comfortable around each other.
One of their nuggets of gender-steeped marital advice was that husband and wife should use separate bathrooms, with one of them being the wife’s special secret place to become beautiful. This author-wife apparently wanted to maintain her feminine mystique by preventing her husband from seeing her wax her legs, pluck her brows, or (*gasp*) bleach her upper lip. Because how on earth could a marriage survive if her husband knew that sparkling like a Disney princess takes hours of ugly work?
It was clear to Matt and I right away: that was not our relationship. I am not a high maintenance woman. I only sparkle on special occasions. But Matt thinks I’m beautiful every day.
We’re comfortable with each other, and we have a sense of humor. We have human bodies that are not always glamorous. But we’re real. And we can love each other for who we really are.
That’s not to say that we go around having farting contests and we don’t bother to look good for each other. Dressing up is an important part of keeping the relationship interesting and passionate. But you shouldn’t walk around clenching.
Relax. Embrace the ugly. Love each other for real.