He spent his first Father’s Day alone, with his pregnant soon-to-be ex-wife a thousand miles away, beginning her new life without him.

I heard about this failed marriage on the radio as I readied myself for my day, and I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I stood brushing my teeth, staring into the sink and thinking: What could be so bad that you would call it quits, let your marriage go down the drain before your child is even born?

This is the second story of a marriage come to its premature end that I have heard in as many weeks.  Every time I think of them, I think: can’t they be saved? What happened to the love and commitment that was so solemnly sworn on that day that started it all?

I wonder how much they fought for their marriage. And whether they confused fighting with each other with fighting for their relationship.

I don’t think this out of judgment or condescension. I am simply sad. And worried.

What makes our marriage different? Each relationship and set of circumstances are unique, but we are all human. We can all fall down.

So Mr. Wonderful and I are getting counseling. We’re learning how to understand each other; talk to each other and really listen. We’re learning how to listen to each other’s deepest dreams, and dig down to the foundation of who we are, what we believe, what we desire.  It’s harder than I thought to unearth these things. Often it takes conflict for them to surface. But in the end, it’s making us better people. Better partners to each other.

I watched an episode of Parenthood where the father of the family learned in marriage counseling to respond to his wife by saying “I see you, and I hear you.”  Though it made for some light moments  during the show, the truth is that one of the most profound moments in marriage is when your partner can turn to you and say, in the deepest, truest way, “I see you, and I hear you.”

When you hear that, you know you’re home.