I walked across the living room to the kitchen to get the dogs breakfast and saw Matt on the couch, sleeping with a Batman book.

I was mad that he had come home so late , and wondered how much longer he had stayed awake reading. I got ready for the day and tried to shake it off, but unsuccessfully.

Matt was still sleeping when I finished getting ready, and we had ten minutes until we needed to leave if we were to catch the bus. He slowly got up and got ready, while I ate breakfast. At 8:05 I printed off driving directions, because we no longer had time for the bus. We got out the door at about 8:20.

Poor Matt. He was actually in a good mood. I was the one who was stressed out. Ultimately, my anger was rooted in my jealousy of the claim his employer has on his time, but I blamed it on little things. When he asked me what was wrong, I blamed it on having to drive and not knowing the way.

He had the directions in his lap, and when he told me the name of the street to turn onto, I heard him say it was Anderson.

“That was Emerson,” he said, as we flew past the sign.

“I thought you said ‘Anderson’!”

I pulled into a car wash parking lot to turn around and swore when I saw that there was a meridian in the road. “Great,” I muttered. “Now how far do I have to drive before I can turn around?”

“What are you doing? You can’t turn left here,” Matt said.

“I know! I’m not!” I shouted snottily. It was the first time I’ve ever shouted at Matt. I immediately regretted it.

When we finally turned around and headed the right direction again, I apologized unconvincingly. He forgave me unconvincingly.

When we got on campus and got in line for the seminar check-in, my eyes started to well up. I felt foolish for getting so upset, but I had been trying to repress my feelings instead of just acknowledging them and being honest with Matt. It was tiring. And I felt horrible that I had let the situation get the best of me and took out my anger on Matt.

Of course there’s no way to hide my feelings from Matt, and he immediately noticed that something was wrong. I assured him I would be ok. He was so sweet, my heart melted and I began to put the past behind us and focus on the day ahead.

Later that day, at lunch, I shared with him why I had been so upset. It was a relief to be able to talk to him about it at a time when we were both relaxed. I didn’t feel like I could really express my feelings before, because I know he’s not happy with the work situation either, but what can he do? I feared that if I said anything it would be taken as an accusation and would just cause a fight. But not saying anything caused one anyway.

The weekend was a great reminder that I need to state how I feel and not try to keep it bottled up. That way, if there’s any conflict between Matt and I, at least it will be about the real issue, and we can discuss it and move on.

I have a wonderful husband, and I am so thankful.