The night before the marriage seminar, Matt slept on the couch.

Now, before you get too concerned that we haven’t even been married for two months and already my husband has been kicked out of bed and we’re attending marriage seminars, let me put you at ease. I did not kick my husband out of bed, and our marriage is not struggling.

As for the marriage seminar, some may think it’s a little early to be going to marriage seminars. Why worry about it now, when you’re still in the honeymoon stage? Because we know the “in love” feelings don’t last forever on their own, and we want to make sure we build healthy relationship habits now.

I love good marriage advice. I love that “Aha!” moment you have when you hear or read something that helps you understand yourself or your spouse at a deeper level. So when I learned back in October that Les and Leslie Parrott would be holding a “Becoming Soul Mates” seminar nearby this month, I immediately registered us. I looked forward to it for months, because Matt and I had read their book “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts” when we were engaged, and really liked what they had to say. In the months leading up to the seminar I would occasionally bring it up, reminding Matt of the date and saying how excited I was for it.

The week before the seminar was another one full of late nights for Matt. I hoped that because he had worked so hard during the week, he would be able to come home at a normal time on Friday and be relaxed and ready for the seminar on Saturday.

I should have known not to get my hopes up. I can never count on when Matt will get home during  the week, and it always seems the latest work nights are the ones you hoped would be the shortest.

I called Matt to say goodnight at 9:30, wanting to tuck in a little early to make sure I was well-rested and ready to leave at 8:00 a.m. the next morning. Stressed-out Matt answered and told me that even though he had finished his work earlier in the day, he was now stuck working on someone else’s project, and it was going to be hours before he got home.

Lo and behold, he rolled into the apartment at 1:00 a.m., after having to take a taxi because the buses don’t even run that late. Dazed, groggy and on the outskirts of dreamland, I jolted awake when he flipped on the switch for the bedroom light. I squinted at the clock as he explained that he had been working on a co-worker’s project.

I only half-listened as he repeated what he had told me on the phone, and wondered angrily how on earth e-mails could be so important that they were worth being at the office overnight on a holiday weekend. I mentally cursed the local software giant, Matt’s employer, the slothful employee who was behind on his work, and any and every other potentially guilty party I could think of at that hour.

My heart sank as I thought about the marriage seminar that would occur (now) later that day. I had been looking forward to this for MONTHS, and now if Matt did make it, he would probably be grumpy or falling asleep. The thoughtful discussions between sessions and afterward were out the window. Sharing dinner that evening? He’d probably want to sleep. I began tearfully waving goodbye to my expectations of enjoying the day together.

What upset me most was that I felt Matt’s work could demand more of him than I could. I felt secondary and powerless. And what for? Designing e-mails for Schmicrosoft. He wasn’t out fighting crime or putting out fires. He wasn’t in a hospital saving lives. He was designing someone else’s project at midnight and not getting paid a single dime extra for it.

That the employer has no concept of, much less respect for, work-life balance is a constant point of frustration for me, but most of the time I can accept it. I can accept that I cannot expect my husband to be home at any particular time during the week. It’s not ideal, but it’ll do for now. What I cannot accept is that there is not even allowance for special occasions, and even our weekends are beginning to be encroached upon.

I found Matt on the couch the next morning, cuddled up to a comic book. For as tired as he had been the night before, he hadn’t been able to sleep because of all the thoughts racing through his mind, so he had come out to the couch to sleep.

I got myself ready and braced myself for the day ahead.