Now that the wedding date is less than a month away, in the last leg of the marathon from Dreamland to Realityville, I’m getting a clearer picture of exactly how things will play out on the big day, and how they can go wrong. As my dad informed me: something will go wrong, and it will probably be something you didn’t expect. But the most important thing that happens is that we get married, right?

Except that if something does go wrong, there will be lots of witnesses. And if something does go wrong, there are no do-overs. The wedding will only happen once, and whatever happens that day will be IT. It will be the unchangeable, unfixable, and unforgettable past. Part of the story of our lives, the story of how our marriage started. And if something big goes wrong, something that everyone notices, it could be part of what all our dearest family and friends remember about our union as well.

I have to admit that when my sister Amy was getting married, I didn’t understand the anxiety she had about being the center of attention. In a room full of strangers, sure, that’s understandable. But these are people you know! Who care about you! Many of them you’ve known forever! No problem, right?

Wrong.

I think I already knew this in the back of my mind when I started making the guest list. I wanted to keep it small. Because I knew that with every additional guest I would be adding worry to my day. Not just because of the standard concerns that large guest lists bring (added cost, larger ceremony and reception sites, the awkward presence of people you don’t know, etc), but because of the principles my mother has drilled into me about being a hostess. I have a responsibility, spoken or unspoken, to show my guests a good time. Keep everyone happy. Make sure they’re not bored.  Make sure they don’t leave. Make it quick in case they have other plans for that day. Make sure I at least say “hello” to everyone, if not have some sort of conversation with them. There is a lot, apparently, expected of me, and the amount increases with every additional person in attendance.

Add to that multiple unknown and uncontrollable factors that must be managed. Including, but not limited to, the fact that Matt’s family may or may not be coming, and may or may not be crammed into our 1 bedroom apartment in the couple days leading up to the wedding, and we may or may not see them again soon, and emotions will definitely be running high regardless.

Oh yeah, and it’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. No pressure.

Through it all I’m trying to keep the heart of the day in sight. This is the beginning of our marriage. One of those days that were meant to be savored and cherished. It is a day that requires the full presence of the spirit. I hope that when the day comes, I will be centered and peaceful enough to live it well.